Tis the Season; Finding my Way

 Is it me, or do the holiday seasons always seem to fly right by? It feels just yesterday we were having our Thanksgiving dinner, and just today we put up our tree and decorations. And Christmas is just around the corner, and will quickly be gone.

Our sacrament meeting yesterday was wonderful. We had beautiful music, singing by the choir and others, and a wonderful narrative of the birth of Christ during so. In Gospel Doctrine, we had a wonderful lesson about eternal families. How blessed I am to be sealed to my family, as well as my husband. And my husband to his family, which brings us all together. Our families are so important on this earth. All families are different, ranging in different sizes and have different circumstances; whether positive or negative. But we always have the chance to create our own families, to improve things within our given family, and bring new members and find lost members together. We have that power, each and every one of us.

One thing I'm especially grateful for, is the power of the Atonement and forgiveness. My goodness I don't know where my life would be without the knowledge that God forgives and forgets our sins and imperfections. There was a point in my life where I never believed I deserved a worthy man of God, because I had made past mistakes which temporarily set me on a different course than the straight and narrow. I was a lost sheep, wandering off and needing to find my way back to the flock. Before I had met my husband, I had been single for some time. This hadn't been a problem to me, because I was enjoying the single life. I had felt independent, strong, and even happy. Yet, the idea of marriage and finding a worthy man was a weight on my mind. Past mistakes were also adding to that weight. Although I had already prayed to the lord for forgiveness, I still didn't feel like I did all I needed to do. When Gary appeared out of nowhere, and made it clear he chose me for his wife, I started evaluating everything, thinking maybe there had to be a flaw in that. I became so torn because I had never met such a man, who held the Priesthood so worthily, and who had a good head on his shoulders; I was convinced there had to be something wrong. At this point, I started thinking about the mistakes and sins I had made in the past...and although I had prayed and fasted for weeks to be forgiven, I just couldn't shake that feeling of there being something wrong. This is when I made another choice to visit my bishop and share my concern. I confessed to him my past mistakes, and expressed my fear of making the next step in my life; going to the temple and being sealed for time and eternity. The bishop immediately suggested we pray together, which we did. I left the meeting in tears with such a spirit. I especially came to realize how the bishop himself turned to the lord immediately, confirming the true power of the priesthood. A week later, the bishop called me back into his office to ask me how I felt. I couldn't believe it...the weight had been lifted and I felt so...happy. More happy than I had felt before. At this time, he said, "The lord has forgiven you, he has confirmed this with me while I spent the past week praying. He had forgiven you when you first turned to Him many months ago. All He needed you to do was come to me, the Priesthood. Because of this, you are clean and your weight is lifted." Another meeting I left crying. That same day, I knew Gary was the one I was to marry...the spirit had confirmed it. And while we spent our relationship together before marrying, we promised each other to stay worthy for one another, as well as ourselves. Because of this, we were able to become sealed in the temple of the lord. I promise each and every one of you, using my own experience, although the pain of seeking forgiveness may feel unbearable at times, the feeling and knowledge that our Heavenly Father has forgiven us when the time arrives, is more joyful than ever imagined, and makes the pain we suffered worth it in the end. I can't even begin to express the joyfulness as well.

Heavenly Father knows who we are. He knows our trials, feels our pain, knows what's within our hearts. At times we may not understand why we are given specific trials, and how long we must endure them. But here's something I've always found comfort in:

When Jesus's disciples were on the Sea of Galilee, and their boat was rowing against the wind in toil, Jesus came to their aid. He didn't come until the "fourth watch", meaning dawn, but he did come.

When Joseph Smith was in the Garden praying, you read the following: "After I had retired to the place where I had previously designed to go, having looked around me, and finding myself alone, I kneeled down and began to offer up the desires of my heart to God. I had scarcely done so, when immediately I was seized upon by some power which entirely overcame me, and had such an astonishing influence over me as to bind my tongue so that I could not speak. Thick darkness gathered around me, and it seemed to me for a time as if I were doomed to sudden destruction. But, exerting all my powers to call upon God to deliver me out of the power of this enemy which had seized upon me, and at the very moment when I was ready to sink into despair and abandon myself to destruction—not to an imaginary ruin, but to the power of some actual being from the unseen world, who had such marvelous power as I had never before felt in any being—just at this moment of great alarm, I saw a pillar of light exactly over my head, above the brightness of the sun, which descended gradually until it fell upon me."

 The Lord will come, but sometimes it won't be until our "fourth watch." We may not be there yet. But I testify He will come. No giving up just yet...strive to do the best you can, and you will find His hand reaching out to take care of the rest. I promise you this; I know this from experience. Not only that, but the spirit tells me this as well.

Wow, I totally went spiritual, didn't I? :) This Gospel is amazing; and true.

Anyway, time to settle down with some hot chocolate and a nice Christmasy novel. I'll post another blog later of our past week and week to come. Bye!