Hey, all. So some more updates. First of all, I apologize for the text background. I really don't know what's going on, but just go with it. You'll be okay. I promise.
My job can definitely be stressful at times. Most days are good, but others I'm dying to go home and forget about it. My biggest challenge? Going home and forgetting about it.
I recently read a book written by a special education teacher called "What Do I Do With These Kids? How to Teach Emotionally Disturbed and Behaviorally Disordered Students". One of the key points mentioned in the book is having the ability to leave work at work. It's also important we don't treat our families like we treat our students (constantly using interventions, working on behaviors, etc).
When I learn the stories of these kids and talk to them about their trials, it's difficult to not think about it when I get home. When I see a student have a mental breakdown and find out the next day they're being institutionalized, it's hard not to think about it. When a kid comes to me crying because their drug-addicted parents never showed an ounce of interest in visiting them in the group home, it's hard to go home and forget about it. Some of these kids have lived in the streets, starving. Some of them have family members who have died in gang-related violence. They all have severe behavioral disturbances- but for some, it's just that. For others, it's mental illness that only medication and maybe therapy can help. Some days I feel useless, other days I feel like I had at least a little success.
On an average day, I hear screaming in the hallways as kids are being restrained and dragged to a room in the back of the building. Fights are a regular thing, sometimes big, sometimes small. Luckily I haven't had the chance to jump in and restrain. We're talking big high school boys here. Have I had to restrain? Yes. But never alone, and I've never been hurt.
Anyway, I've been switched to a different classroom and the students are much more behaved than the first classroom I was in. The teacher had requested a BI in his classroom, so I volunteered. The first time I was asked, I turned it down because I was enjoying my current students at the time. However, I eventually agreed and moved. Some of the kids from the previous class were actually upset with me, but after a long talk with them about my job and how I'm open to help all kids, not just the ones in my new classroom, they forgave me. So we're good.
I ran into my supervisor in the hallway last week, who mentioned the possibility of me making a decision to stay or go district-wide. She didn't force a response out of me, just casually mentioned we might talk about it. I sat down that evening and thought, "should I stay or go?" Yesterday, she ran into me again and told me I don't have too much longer at the school (I'm thinking next week is my last), and we have a major meeting this upcoming Monday where I will possibly receive my actual assignment.
However, I still had to sit down and think. Do I really want to stay? A part of me doesn't- heck, the job can be pretty stressful sometimes (I've been called every name in the book, insulted, sexually harassed, verbally attacked, and threatened on an average day), but at the same time, I'm learning so much- plus, let's not forget the bonds and bridges I've already built just in these first few weeks. Just for the record, I learned it's important to never take attacks personally. Most kids in this situation have been betrayed by an authoritative figure- so when they attack me, they're not making it personal. They're attacking my authority. That's why it's also important I not be a pushover. Anyway, that's a different topic.
Let's also not forget my experience revolves around developmentally disabled- not emotionally disturbed. I can use my skills being district-wide, all the skills I've learned in this field. Sometimes I feel helpless at this school and feel I can't fully do my "job". But again...
I over-analyze way too much. I think too much. I do my best to keep my emotions out of it (I'm doing a good job), but it's hard to just- forget about them. Can I actually make a difference and help? Or is it hopeless for these guys? I'm a white girl who grew up with a good, strong family, so it's also hard to relate. But again, that's on a personal level. I work with them on a professional level.
Okay, I'm done. I just thought I'd throw it out there. Now I can actually forget about it. The day is over, I can move on and worry about it later. When Gary comes home in a bit, I can talk about other things than my job.
Other things than my job: beach day tomorrow! We're going to Zuma with the ward. Should be fun! Speaking of fun, my new calling is going well (got called as the Primary secretary a couple months back). Lots of things to do, but it's all good. Gary and I are also getting over colds/something/whatever-the-heck-hit-us. Not fun. But good it's leaving our bodies!
Too lazy/tired to keep going. More uplifting post next time, promise! Bye!
My job can definitely be stressful at times. Most days are good, but others I'm dying to go home and forget about it. My biggest challenge? Going home and forgetting about it.
I recently read a book written by a special education teacher called "What Do I Do With These Kids? How to Teach Emotionally Disturbed and Behaviorally Disordered Students". One of the key points mentioned in the book is having the ability to leave work at work. It's also important we don't treat our families like we treat our students (constantly using interventions, working on behaviors, etc).
When I learn the stories of these kids and talk to them about their trials, it's difficult to not think about it when I get home. When I see a student have a mental breakdown and find out the next day they're being institutionalized, it's hard not to think about it. When a kid comes to me crying because their drug-addicted parents never showed an ounce of interest in visiting them in the group home, it's hard to go home and forget about it. Some of these kids have lived in the streets, starving. Some of them have family members who have died in gang-related violence. They all have severe behavioral disturbances- but for some, it's just that. For others, it's mental illness that only medication and maybe therapy can help. Some days I feel useless, other days I feel like I had at least a little success.
On an average day, I hear screaming in the hallways as kids are being restrained and dragged to a room in the back of the building. Fights are a regular thing, sometimes big, sometimes small. Luckily I haven't had the chance to jump in and restrain. We're talking big high school boys here. Have I had to restrain? Yes. But never alone, and I've never been hurt.
Anyway, I've been switched to a different classroom and the students are much more behaved than the first classroom I was in. The teacher had requested a BI in his classroom, so I volunteered. The first time I was asked, I turned it down because I was enjoying my current students at the time. However, I eventually agreed and moved. Some of the kids from the previous class were actually upset with me, but after a long talk with them about my job and how I'm open to help all kids, not just the ones in my new classroom, they forgave me. So we're good.
I ran into my supervisor in the hallway last week, who mentioned the possibility of me making a decision to stay or go district-wide. She didn't force a response out of me, just casually mentioned we might talk about it. I sat down that evening and thought, "should I stay or go?" Yesterday, she ran into me again and told me I don't have too much longer at the school (I'm thinking next week is my last), and we have a major meeting this upcoming Monday where I will possibly receive my actual assignment.
However, I still had to sit down and think. Do I really want to stay? A part of me doesn't- heck, the job can be pretty stressful sometimes (I've been called every name in the book, insulted, sexually harassed, verbally attacked, and threatened on an average day), but at the same time, I'm learning so much- plus, let's not forget the bonds and bridges I've already built just in these first few weeks. Just for the record, I learned it's important to never take attacks personally. Most kids in this situation have been betrayed by an authoritative figure- so when they attack me, they're not making it personal. They're attacking my authority. That's why it's also important I not be a pushover. Anyway, that's a different topic.
Let's also not forget my experience revolves around developmentally disabled- not emotionally disturbed. I can use my skills being district-wide, all the skills I've learned in this field. Sometimes I feel helpless at this school and feel I can't fully do my "job". But again...
I over-analyze way too much. I think too much. I do my best to keep my emotions out of it (I'm doing a good job), but it's hard to just- forget about them. Can I actually make a difference and help? Or is it hopeless for these guys? I'm a white girl who grew up with a good, strong family, so it's also hard to relate. But again, that's on a personal level. I work with them on a professional level.
Okay, I'm done. I just thought I'd throw it out there. Now I can actually forget about it. The day is over, I can move on and worry about it later. When Gary comes home in a bit, I can talk about other things than my job.
Other things than my job: beach day tomorrow! We're going to Zuma with the ward. Should be fun! Speaking of fun, my new calling is going well (got called as the Primary secretary a couple months back). Lots of things to do, but it's all good. Gary and I are also getting over colds/something/whatever-the-heck-hit-us. Not fun. But good it's leaving our bodies!
Too lazy/tired to keep going. More uplifting post next time, promise! Bye!
